Loving the Enemy
by Aurore Renata
Summary: Events of one evening lead to a flashback of Harper’s past and he tries to sort through contradictory feelings. Told from Harper’s POV… Please RR. Let me know if I should continue with the story. (Perhaps from another POV?) rated for general slashiness!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Loving the Enemy

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own Andromeda or its characters. It's all owned by Tribune. No profit is being made by this and no copyright infringement is intended, so please don't sue! 

Summary: Events of one evening lead to a flashback of Harper's past and he tries to sort through contradictory feelings. Told from Harper's POV… Please R/R. Let me know if I should continue with the story. (Perhaps from another POV?) rated for general slashiness!

Author's note: I'm not really sure if I spelled Nietzcian correctly… sorry about that…

**Loving the Enemy**

All my frustrations seem to go away over a nice fizzy Sparky Cola, but still, I had a lot of things to think about. I couldn't hide my feelings as hard as I tried. I kept pretty much lying to everybody, even my best friends, and it was just ripping me up. I was really sick of it. I thought of talking to Trance, maybe she'd understand?

I took a big sip of my Sparky and looked over the mess deck. When I stopped, I had to chuckle. I saw Dylan coming in to get his dinner.

The reason I had to laugh a little was… well, I couldn't help but notice that Dylan was wearing his pants a little tighter these days. Was he really that desperate to get laid? Well, it has been three hundred years, I suppose, unless there's something I don't know about.

I was in such a weird mood that I really didn't realize that I had been checking him out, I mean staring at his ass? I guess he wasn't the only one who needed to get laid.

Anyways, I gulped down the rest of my Sparky and headed out toward the machine shop, smiling as always.

When I got there, I tried to focus on my latest project, but for some reason, I couldn't. So I absently started tinkering with some of Rommie's spare parts, and started thinking about other stuff.

I suppose you might call it self pity, maybe not. I really did feel like I was gonna explode with all these feelings, half of which I probably couldn't even tell you what they were.

And believe me, when something is taking my mind off the work that I love to do, it's usually pretty damn serious.

I put my tools back. Maybe a little venting to Trance would help. I didn't really consider it beforehand, just decided that I was going to Hydroponics; I thought she'd be there.

I kinda put myself on auto pilot and actually found myself walking through the corridor where the crew quarters are.

I felt some sensation come over me as I passed by one particular door, it was like my chest was tightening up, but my heart felt like it was floating. Weird.

I stopped and stood outside Tyr's quarters… and I could swear I heard crying.

I stood there, just staring at the door. Something told me to go in, so I somehow managed to override the lock.

It was dark, kinda scary. I could hear Tyr's deep breathing and… a sniffle? I managed to call out to him, even if it was a little quiet.

I started to get a little nervous when I heard him growl and ask me what I wanted, and of course added the demeaning 'boy' to the question.

What the hell had me acting so gutsy that night I still don't know, but I answered him with something along the lines of the fact that I'd heard someone crying when I walked past his quarters and asking if he was okay.

He turned on the lights, still dim, but I could see him walking toward me, and couldn't help but stare at his bare chest.

I spoke before he could, giving him the same speech that Trance always gave me, that it wasn't healthy to keep in your emotions, yadda yadda yadda, not really noticing that he was getting _pretty_ angry.

Next thing I knew, my jaw was hurting. He'd hit me! And I still remember the next thing he said.

"You're so concerned, suddenly? You want me to let out my emotions? Well how about this?"

It didn't really register what was about to happen or that I should have backed away after he said that, but what happened next is crystal-clear still.

I felt Tyr grab my button down shirt, popping a few buttons, pulling me toward him, then throwing me toward the wall, onto the floor.

I felt a sudden sharp pain after I landed on my wrist and ended up sprawled on my stomach.

I started shaking as I slowly brought myself up on the arm that didn't hurt, and even it felt like a twig. I slowly looked up at Tyr.

He was breathing heavily, glaring at me with such anger. I'd never seen it in him. It's really hard to describe. I've seen Tyr get angry, but the way he looked at me was chilling.

Then suddenly, I was somewhere else, sprawled in the dirt, on some unrecognizable part of Earth, but I recognized the fear, and I could taste the dirt in my mouth.

It was like I was trying to hold onto myself, my dignity, and I just kept shaking, and when I looked up, the guard was leering at me with a sick hunger, I knew what he was about to do and I couldn't stop it without being severely injured in the process.

I felt Tyr kick me 'bringing me out if it' so to say, but I was still scared out of my mind.

He held out his arm to me, to help me up, and it looked like he was going to apologize, but now I was afraid to be near him.

I stuttered, but managed to tell him to get away from me, as I stumbled out of his quarters.

When I felt the strength come back in my legs, I ran, praying that I could find some kind of shelter.

My wrist kept throbbing, I was shaking and I felt tears falling down my face, but at that point I didn't care. Happy-go-lucky Harper had left and this one was afraid, just trying to get away.

I couldn't get the image of the Nietzcian guard out of my head, especially as I felt the wind from my movement touching the skin of my chest, seeing as about half the buttons had been torn off, I continued running, and went into the first door that called out to me.

When I entered, oddly enough, I was in Hydroponics.

Even though I had just said those things to Tyr, about not keeping in your emotions, I hypocritically tried my hardest to hold back.

Man, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and burst out crying, but for some reason, I just couldn't.

I heard a tiny female voice call out, asking who was there. It was Trance. I didn't answer. I couldn't.

Then, she turned a corner, saw me, and got that look on her face. And I thought Beka was a mother hen. She gently pulled me into a corner and we sat on the floor.

I was heaving and gasping for breath, and not just from running. She looked into my eyes, now looking pretty upset herself and she asked me what happened.

I don't know what made me spill so fast, but I started from when I was walking by the crew quarters and my little disagreement with Tyr, then explained to her, for the first time I ever really talked about it, what had got me so damn emotional.

I told her that when Tyr grabbed me with that force, and threw me, everything from the way I landed, the pain, the fear…

At that point, I'd given up all hope of keeping any of it back. I was freaking sobbing in front of Trance and I didn't care.

I told her about everything up to the look in Tyr's eyes, being just like when I was still on Earth in kind of a labor camp when the guard or any of… them would get that heated look and if I resisted his advances, throw me down, pinning me in the dirt, sometimes making me eat it, grabbing me with that force, and then would rape me. Damn, it would hurt, but if I screamed or anything, I'd get hurt even more, and slammed around, and the way that everything happened, made me think about it.

I came back to 'reality' and Trance, of course looked at me with worry and she asked me if I'd had a flashback.

Hell yes, it was a flashback, a really vile one. I never knew those things would come back to haunt me like that.

I felt really disgusting, as I explained to her, as I always did after those experiences, but now more so.

See, as much fun as it is to chase hot babes, I've always had more of an attraction toward men, my first kiss was with a boy, but after those experiences, I guess, I thought it was safer to chase women.

I felt disgusting though, because, despite this, I wanted Tyr… really bad.

I told all this to Trance, who nodded understandingly, and insisted that what happened to me in the labor camp wasn't my fault.

In a way it seemed it was, and in a way not. I was just a young, fresh, piece of ass to them.

She also explained to me that my attraction to Tyr wasn't disgusting. Granted he was the same race as the people who did that to me, that he didn't do anything like that to me.

I understood she could be right, but she wasn't there. I couldn't help but be afraid of Tyr, but damn… I hate it when I contradict myself.

Trance didn't say much else, just let me cry.

I thought she'd never think of me as the strong man that I wanted her to think of me as ever after that, but, again, I didn't care. I'd had this hurt for what seemed like forever, and someone was finally encouraging me, listening to me.

So, I cried. I don't know for how long, but it felt good, and better to hear Trance reassure me.

After awhile, my eyes dried up, I couldn't cry anymore. Trance smiled her gorgeous little smile and suggested that I go rest. I don't think I've ever heard a better suggestion, even though I usually hate that phrase.

I hugged Trance really tight, mumbled thanks and began to walk to my quarters. Well, I felt kinda bad that I dumped all that on her, as good as it felt to let it out, and I felt a little guilty about not thanking her more, but… I did feel at least some comfort.

I was walking by the crew quarters again. For some reason, I kept looking over my shoulder. I couldn't shake off the feeling that someone was following me, like them… I shivered. I didn't want think about it, but it was still there.

I jumped when I heard someone call my name, my heart felt like it was gonna burst out of my chest and up into my throat. I couldn't tell who it was, I didn't want to know, and I just started to walk faster, until I was almost running. Why did my quarters seem so far away?

I finally found the door and stopped; feeling like my whole body was throbbing, and suddenly remembered my wrist. Eh, I figured I'd get it checked out later; I just took in the comfort that my mess of a room always brought me.

That was short lived, of course, because then, I heard the door open. Something made me turn around this time, and I nearly tripped over a pile of clothes.

It was like I was in a night mare. I saw Tyr standing in the doorway.

I backed away from him, as my instincts told me to do, and I told him to stay back.

I found myself backed up against a wall and I looked at him finally. He was understandably looking quite confused.

I remember him next asking, "What's the matter with you, boy?" And I didn't answer him.

"Perhaps you should get your wrist looked at," I heard him say.

I was still holding my aching wrist as I moved away from the wall and started to back further into my quarters.

I couldn't take my eyes of him. His presence was so powerful right then, he didn't seem that scary in the state he was in, it was actually kind of cute, but I started seeing those images again and I looked away, keeping my distance.

He did catch my eyes after a few moments, and he actually looked concerned.

I tried to look cocky, but the truth was given away in my voice. I asked him why the hell he should be concerned and told him to go away. Of course, being his stubborn self, he didn't budge.

I freaked out when he came toward me suddenly, and pretty much lost it as I tripped over and empty Sparky can and fell onto my couch. Well, at least it was soft.

I could feel myself shaking again when I looked at him for a brief moment.

I thought I was done crying, but apparently not, I felt tears on my face. As if I wasn't embarrassed enough… But instead of getting the reaction I expected, Tyr crouched down next to me on the floor and said something along the lines of "this isn't just about your wrist, is it?"

I chuckled a little, why, I didn't know, and told the big guy sarcastically that that was a brilliant deduction.

He got a little closer to me, and I started freaking out again, but there was still that part of me that wanted to be close to him.

I told him not to come any closer, but I'd spill what was wrong if he wanted to know so damn much.

And I did tell him, everything, so maybe he'd leave me alone, and making him swear to secrecy.

I was crying so hard I was choking at the end, and I could once again taste dirt but this time, acting this way in front of a Nietzcian didn't get me beat up.

I looked at him cautiously, and he actually looked sympathetic.

_'Great'_ I thought, _I'm getting pity from one of them.'_ But was he really one of them?

"I apologize, I should have used better sense," he said.

I smiled, despite me fear. Tyr had just apologized. I guess there really is a first time for everything.

I told him it was alright, that he really didn't know, but ya know Tyr, he kept blaming himself.

I felt my fear go away, at least some of it, when I grabbed his arm with my good one, forgetting about the pain momentarily, and managed to pull him on the couch with me.

I had no freaking idea what had come over me, but I, again, really didn't care.

Well, anyways, next thing I knew, I was straddling him, brushing one of his dreads off his face, then just kissing him with everything I had, full on the lips…

Then I felt him push me over. I landed on the floor, feeling my wrist throb once more, and was shaking again.

Tyr stood up and looked down on me.

"You're confused, boy," he said.

I felt more of the stupid tears. I tried to explain to him how I felt, but he just told me to get some sleep, and he left.

As weird as it may seem, I've fallen in love with him, and I'm really scared and all sorts of things.

Hell, by the time anybody reads this, I might already be dead. I'm sorry; I just can't take this insanity anymore.

This is Seamus Z. Harper, signing off.


	2. Harper Snaps

Title: Loving the Enemy, chapter 2 (Harper snaps)

Disclaimer: I do not own Andromeda, everything is owned by Tribune.

Warnings: slashiness

Summary: Harper snaps.

A/N: I actually wrote 2 versions of this chapter, and decided on using the angstier of the two… um, it's not the best thing I've ever written, but reviews, as always, are appreciated!

I was, again in the dark comfort of my quarters, both blessedly and cursedly alone. I tried to feign that nothing ever happened so I could return to my meaningless brooding, but then thought of my horrendous actions toward the engineer.

I let my gaze travel to the gun rack on the far wall. I knew that Harper had a tendency to overreact and that troubled me, even more than my becoming so soft, so human. I found myself wondering if he would have the audacity to intentionally hurt himself, perhaps worse? He was, as many kludges I've encountered, an emotionally unstable individual.

I tore my eyes away from the gun rack and looked to the floor, as if trying to banish the alarming thoughts, and felt streams of moisture on my cheeks again. It was as if the years of restraint were diminishing. That evening's events were the only thing on my mind at that moment and it was then that I felt the necessity to check on Harper, perhaps to apologize to him, for whatever that was worth.

I pushed myself up unsteadily, finding myself breathing heavily as I set out slowly left my quarters and as I moved down the corridor, which suddenly seemed much longer than it was, I felt my steps becoming faster. I fleetingly supposed that it was for fear that Harper might do something regrettable.

I consciously began a slow jog, which soon became almost a run. I continued, ultimately in a slow run. I ran right past Captain Hunt, Captain Valentine, I didn't care anymore. I prayed to whatever benevolent deity that would hear me that I wasn't too late, that the universe hadn't turned against us. I could feel the sweat and the tears merging on my cheeks and chills ran through my body. The few people I encountered seemed reasonably confused, but I didn't stop or explain. How could I?

At that time, the only idea in my mind was reaching my destination and possibly redeeming myself. The corridor seemed to get longer and I searched my mind for any sort of rational thought. Was it supposed to be that long to get to Harper's quarters? I let my desperation give me the energy to continue until my destination was in view.

I stopped in front of the door, not quite hesitating. It was, of course, locked, raising my anxiety about what exactly was happening in there. No doubt, he'd engaged privacy mode so it was no use asking the ship, perhaps not, people in situations such as this tend not to think thoroughly.

I knocked on the door quietly at first, then more frantically when I got no answer. I refrained from calling his name for fear that he would be less inclined to answer if he knew it was me at the door. Despite all of this, there was still no response.

I shut out my thoughts and strained my ear to listen. I felt a form of relief when I swore that I heard him moving around. There were still possibilities, I knew that, and I knew that I must speak with him. I couldn't remember any previous instance that I felt anything like this. My patience was waning and I found myself trying to bypass his lock, which was not that difficult as I found out when the door slid open with ease moments later.

The lights were dim, as I had had the lighting in my quarters, but I could still make out his slender shape, his eyes glinting with some unknown emotion. He was standing on the far side of the room, looking out the window. As I expected, he had a gun in his hand. Call me selfish, weak, or what have you, but I wasn't about to stand there and watch someone that I had come to care about so much do that, even if I am reluctant to admit how I feel.

I tried not to trip over one of the several pieces of scattered equipment as I quietly approached him, wondering if he had heard me enter. He looked hesitant to pull the trigger; I could smell the anxiety and fear.

I stood for a moment, gazing at him with some degree of curiosity and of course the anxiety that had become characteristic of that evening. He barely seemed to notice my presence as he told me simply to 'go away' as he had earlier. I did not move, of course. I tired to come up with an apology, for whatever that was worth.

He chuckled, but not the one we had become so accustomed to. Strange, I thought. Words escaped me then, I never was good with them.

The engineer turned to me, still holding the gun. Only this time, it was pointed toward me.

"You know what? Trance is right. It isn't my fault. Those fucking Ubers did that to me. I'm not the one who needs to die…"

I cut him off by reminding him that not too long before, he had assured me that it wasn't my fault, and attempted calm as I inquired as to why he was pointing the gun at me. I told him gently to put the gun down.

His expression became bitter and angrier than it had previously been, if that was possible.

His voice began to rise. "Fuck what I said; do you know what you did to me?" He said with a furious tone that I had never heard in him before.

I backed away slightly, apologizing again for my behavior, but reminding him that whom he was angry with were the ones who had abused him all those years ago. I could smell his adrenaline levels rising higher. The man had finally snapped.

"Scared?" He asked as I backed away further.

I said nothing; I didn't have time to before I felt a shot in my neck, then another piercing my shoulder. He shot again, this one directly hitting the side of my head, then once more in my shoulder.

My head throbbed and I silently praised his aim as I sank against the wall. I wondered how that much power could be in such a small gun.

I heard someone else enter, but I could not turn my head to look before I blacked out.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't spoken to him since, though I know that Captain Hunt is keeping him detained for the time being. I am not sure what exactly is to be done with him.

As for me, I am recovering in the med-deck, Trance annoyingly ever-present. I still frequently wonder what will happen to him, if he is alright. I wonder if he will forgive me. He told me he loved me that night… I've become soft, but I can admit to at least myself that I hope he is alright, that there is still a chance to make things right between us, because I do believe that I may love him too.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Thank you to Sabriel for the review. Sorry I took so long! hangs head


End file.
